TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
