my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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