Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
