the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
