it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
