Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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