So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
