Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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