i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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