A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
