nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
