Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
