I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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