the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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