Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
