so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
