You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
