dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
