If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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