I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
