I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
