I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
