isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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