We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
