Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
