I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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