I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
