mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
