ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
