Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
