Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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