Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
