k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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