So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
