Your face is a jimmy john
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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