'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
