It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
