There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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