You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
