to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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