try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
