She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
