I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
