It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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