i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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