By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh god it's open bar.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
