Don't you send me to vm
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
