I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
