I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
