Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
